What does a modern girl have to do to get a man into bed? I ask myself that question for 15 minutes. Three Tuskers later you would think the man would make a move but he only seemed interested in talking and drinking. On any other day, I might have been content but this is a white man we talking about. I need to close the deal so that he is obligated to me. And I have every reason to want to rush this. With all the cheap mobile phones, word has spread and a couple of female vultures have now flocked into the bar.
And if you know girls of my trade; you know that until you walk away with the man and lock him in some room with your legs wrapped all over him, he is still available. That knowledge is sending shivers down my spine. And every time I turn, I see some new ugly looking vulture trying to wink at him, or leaning over near the table so that he can see some cleavage. I have a mind to tell him that those brown big ball-like things hang all the way to their waists once the push up bra is removed. But I know if I said that, he might notice that I am not so endowed in that area.
It suddenly feels like I am back in that school again. What was that ugly song boys used to sing to me? “Ndingehikia muiretu atari nyodo”(I can’t marry a girl without breasts). My mood changes and I feel like those husband-beating ladies from Nyeri. I have shown Brown all the green lights but nothing. If I show any more green, I might be kicked out for indecency and in this pub, indecency means all clothes off. In moments like this I miss my Taita friend. A touch from that girl had men who seemed like they belonged to the church asking her if she wanted to go to a hotel for a night cap.
Brown and I are seated next to each other. I lean forward, my face right in front of his and kiss him softly on the lips. It catches him off guard and for a second, he does not open his mouth. I push my tongue softly into his mouth as he opens it and pretend to put my hand on his thigh for balance. He starts kissing me back and I let my hand wonder into the land of the sword and gently stroke for a second then pull myself back as if embarrassed.
Brown is startled. I look at him smiling mischievously and sipping my Tusker. He tries a sip of his drink with his eyes still on me. I take the moment to get up and walk slowly towards the bathroom. I can feel his eyes on me as I sway harder than normal and right before I open the door, I look back. Brown is staring at me in wonder. I get in smiling. Maybe now the English man will want take this further.
Inside the bathroom, I find several vultures powdering their faces. They sneer and click their mouths. I click back, wipe my face with tissue and walk back into the bar. A woman can’t take too long in the bathrooms when the Njeri’s and Atieno’s are lurking around her man like hyenas on a carcass.
I am hardly gone two minutes and that idiotic waitress is hovering around my man. I give her a look that says take off before I give you a scar and she goes to the counter faster than a cat that has been poured water on.
Brown seems impatient. No sooner am I seated than he whispers into my ear, “let’s go”. I heave a sigh of relief. Finally he is taking me to bed. I smile all the way out into the cab. We both seat at the backseat and I am thinking in a few minutes I will be signing the ticket to my brand new house and car. My thoughts are cut short when the cab driver asks where to and he replies Huskies Club. I suppress a clicking sound and smile. What does a girl have to do to get laid?